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Kindell,

No matter what fire or storm we’ve been through, my heart has never and will never stopped choosing you.

I can't pretend things have been easy, and I won’t pretend I haven’t been hurt but the truth is:

I love you Kindell Ann.. I always have, and I always will. It's been over a year that I've been away from you and I still think about you every day... The pain that I feel when you say stop pushing when it has been this long is torture.. Or whatever i ask is none of my business.. I can't live like this forever... Please understand..

Sometimes I just listen to that song above and replay the memories and look in your beautiful face and eyes when you cared about me and made promises to me.. I know It's not good for me or my mental health to do that but It's the only thing I have that brings back the memories which helps me get through my days I'm really bad..

You’ve had my heart from the beginning, and nothing has ever changed that but my drinking..  You've done the meanest most evil things to me yet I come up with excuses and reasons why you did them because I know deep in my heart that there's no way you'll be gone forever.. Drinking took everything from me.. and when I met you I wasn't drinking... You fell in love with me then and that is the Brandon I am today but more understanding, patient and changed.. I did it for you.. I pray and pray and pray you realize that one day because all I care about is your happiness even if it kills me.. It feels like that's what you want sometimes and I don't think you realize the impact your actions have on me..

I don’t love you because things are very far from perfect.. I love you because something inside of me recognizes the real true love we once had for each other and what we have gone through and the beautiful young children that need both of us to be happy.. We have come so far and I pray everyday to God to just speed up the process but I'm being as patient as I can for you and trusting his timing.

I’ve always felt like we were meant to cross paths in this lifetime since the day I met you.. you were made for me and those beautiful children that we made with love deserve both mom and dad happy.. 

I’m not here to pressure you, rush anything or fuck with your head. But I need you to understand that I need a heart to heart talk with you.

I just want you to understand that when you’re finally ready — truly ready — to move forward with honesty, peace, and love…

I’ll be here waiting for you no matter where I am wither it be heaven or earth and there isn't anyone on this planet that could ever replace the love I have for you. I love you more than ever.. I promise that I love you more than anyone ever will even if you don't love me in return.

You are the love of my life, and I hope one day we can finish building what we started and just put everything we have done to each other behind us for the sake of our beautiful family we created.

I have worked very hard on myself since you vanished... Not for me but for you. And I know you're doing something similar in a way..

I feel like I am losing hope and a battle I will never win and as a father it just adds to the pain that I feel inside and everyday about this situation. I hope one day you truly do realize how much I love you and when I say I can't live without you I mean it with every bit of strength I have left..

Forever yours,

Brandon